1. Eat food.
2. Don't eat anything your great-grandmother wouldn't recognize as food.
3. Avoid food products containing ingredients that no ordinary human would keep in the pantry.
In a perfect world, I would have started writing on the day I actually started this whole food rules project, but life, as it tends to, got in the way. Today marks day 7 of the project, but we'll still begin at the very beginning and start at rule 1: Eat food.
It's pretty awesomely fitting that I should struggle with the very first rule on the very first day, although I think when Pollan said to eat food, he was talking about eating real food as opposed to what he calls, "edible foodlike substances." He wasn't actually instructing me to, you know, eat in general. That part should be fairly self-explanatory. And yet, that's exactly what happened.
This is what happened in my head last Wednesday when I started. I went up to the Santa Fe Farmer's Market the week before and stocked up on locally made bread, cheese, yogurt and meat. I signed up for the Skarsgard Farms CSA, ensuring myself a steady supply of locally grown, organic produce. And I took all of these delicious, fresh, local ingredients and turned them into smoothies, casseroles, stir-fry's and other pre-made, ready-to-grab breakfasts and lunches for the coming week.
Here's what actually happened: I woke up on Wednesday morning and thought, Oh shit, what am I going to eat?!?
I prowled around the kitchen in a sleepy stupor for about a half an hour and probably opened and closed the fridge in frustration before getting confused five minutes later and opening it again about a dozen times when I eventually realized with amazement there is absolutely nothing in this house I can eat.
Seriously, before that moment on Wednesday when I opened up the fridge for the last time in utter defeat, I was planning to, like, make my own yogurt. I was definitely going to stay away from boxed breakfast cereal. But here I was, on the very first day, settling on some weird, ultra-healthy sprouted grain cereal my mom likes to eat and sighing as I decided that yogurt not made by me, but at least containing nothing but milk and live active cultures was going to have to be good enough.
Wednesday was a bad day. All I could muster up for lunch was a salad and by dinner I was tired, hungry, and beaten down. It didn't help that I lost my driver's license on the bus - my New York driver's license. A little part of my old life that I could carry around; a reminder to myself and everyone else that I was there. I was a part of that world. But now I have to go down to the DMV and get a New Mexico license again, because I am not there anymore. That is not my world anymore.
I lay on the couch, grieving and listening to my tummy rumble so loud the neighbor's probably heard it and all I could think was, forget it. There was nothing for me to eat, and it just wasn't worth it to get up and try and figure it out. Now, I am not one of those skinny bitches who get to 5 o'clock in the afternoon and realize they haven't eaten anything all day. I love food. I always remember to eat. But that night, I just could not find it in me to eat dinner. Breakfast and lunch the next day were similarly light, and, again, by dinner, I was famished but finished.
On Day Three I bought found some local Yukon Gold potatoes, and that baked potato I had for lunch was the most satisfying the I've ever eaten. I don't usually eat potatoes; I've always been fairly strict about what Pollan lists as Rule 43, but I threw out that rule and my own personal one in order to eat the first real meal I had had in three days.
I have not been to the Farmer's Market, nor started ordering from Skarsgard, but I've at least been to La Montanita, the all-natural, crunchy-hippy local co-op in town, and it looks like I've got the concept of eating food under control. At least for the time being. Unfortunately, I've had to compromise a lot more than I'd hoped with the following 82 rules just to manage that very first one with some modicum of success.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
The Rules
1. Eat food.
2. Don’t eat anything your great-grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food.
3. Avoid food products containing ingredients that no ordinary human would keep in the pantry.
4. Avoid food products that contain high-fructose corn syrup.
5. Avoid food products that have some form of sugar (or sweetener listed among) the top three ingredients.
6. Avoid food products that have more than 5 ingredients.
7. Avoid food products containing ingredients that a third-grader cannot pronounce.
8. Avoid food products that make health claims.
9. Avoid food products with the words “lite” or the terms “low fat” or “nonfat” in their names.
10. Avoid foods that are pretending to be something they are not.
11. Avoid foods you see advertised on television.
12. Get out of the supermarket whenever you can.
13. Shop the peripheries of the supermarket and stay out of the middle.
14. Eat only foods that will eventually rot.
15. Eat foods made from ingredients that you can picture in their raw state or growing in nature
16. Go food shopping every week.
17. Buy your snacks at the farmers market.
18. Eat close to the earth.
19. Eat only foods that have been cooked by humans
20. Don’t ingest foods made in places where everyone is required to wear a surgical cap
21. If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don’t.
22. It’s not food if it arrived through the window of your car
23. It’s not food if it’s called by the same name in every language (think Big Mac, Cheetos or Pringles).
24. When you eat real food, you don't need rules.
25. Eat mostly plants, especially leaves.
26. Treat meat as a flavoring or special occasion food
27. "Eating what stands on one leg [mushrooms and plant foods] is better than eating what stands on two legs [fowl], which is better than eating what stands on four legs [cows, pigs and other mammals]."
28. Eat your colors.
29. Drink the spinach water.
30. Eat animals that have themselves eaten well.
31. If you have space, buy a freezer.
32. Eat like an omnivore.
33. Eat well-grown food from healthy soil.
34. Eat wild foods when you can
35. Don’t overlook the oily little fishes
36. Eat some foods that have been predigested by bacterial or fungi.
37. Sweeten and salt your food yourself.
38. Eat sweet foods as you find them in nature.
39. Don’t eat breakfast cereals that change the color of the milk
40. Make water your beverage of choice.
41. Milk is a food, not a beverage.
42. "The whiter the bread, the sooner you’ll be dead."
43. Avoid sugary and starchy food if you're concerned about your weight.
44. Favor the kinds of oils and grains that have traditionally been stone-ground.
45. Eat all the junk food you want as long as you cook it yourself.
46. Love your spices.
47. Be the kind of person who takes supplements – then skip the supplements
48. Eat more lie the French. Or the Japanese. Or the Italians. Or the Greeks.
49. Regard nontraditional foods with skepticism.
50. Avoid ingredients that lie to your body.
51. Enjoy drinks that have been caffeinated by nature, not food science.
52. Have a glass of wine with dinner.
53. Pay more, eat less.
54. ...Eat less.
55. Stop eating before you’re full.
56. Eat when you are hungry, not when you are bored.
57. If you're not hungry enough to eat and apple, you're probably not hungry.
58. It's okay to be a little hungry.
59. Don't let yourself get too hungry.
60. Consult your gut.
61. Serve the vegetables first.
62. Eat slowly
63. "The banquet is in the first bite."
64. Spend as much time enjoying the meal as it took to prepare it.
65. Give some thought to where your food comes from.
66. Don't be a short-order cook.
67. Buy smaller plates and glasses.
68. Serve a proper portion and don’t go back for seconds.
69. Order the small.
70. "Breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, dinner like pauper."
71. Eat meals.
72. Limit your snacks to unprocessed plant foods.
73. Do all your eating at a table.
74. Don’t get your fuel from the same place your car does.
75. "No labels on the table."
76. Place a bouquet of flowers on the table and everything will taste quite as good.
77. Leave something on your plate.
78. Eat with other people when you can.
79. Treat treats as treats.
80. Compost.
81. Plant a vegetable garden if you have space, a window box if you don’t
82. Cook
83. Break the rules once in a while
2. Don’t eat anything your great-grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food.
3. Avoid food products containing ingredients that no ordinary human would keep in the pantry.
4. Avoid food products that contain high-fructose corn syrup.
5. Avoid food products that have some form of sugar (or sweetener listed among) the top three ingredients.
6. Avoid food products that have more than 5 ingredients.
7. Avoid food products containing ingredients that a third-grader cannot pronounce.
8. Avoid food products that make health claims.
9. Avoid food products with the words “lite” or the terms “low fat” or “nonfat” in their names.
10. Avoid foods that are pretending to be something they are not.
11. Avoid foods you see advertised on television.
12. Get out of the supermarket whenever you can.
13. Shop the peripheries of the supermarket and stay out of the middle.
14. Eat only foods that will eventually rot.
15. Eat foods made from ingredients that you can picture in their raw state or growing in nature
16. Go food shopping every week.
17. Buy your snacks at the farmers market.
18. Eat close to the earth.
19. Eat only foods that have been cooked by humans
20. Don’t ingest foods made in places where everyone is required to wear a surgical cap
21. If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don’t.
22. It’s not food if it arrived through the window of your car
23. It’s not food if it’s called by the same name in every language (think Big Mac, Cheetos or Pringles).
24. When you eat real food, you don't need rules.
25. Eat mostly plants, especially leaves.
26. Treat meat as a flavoring or special occasion food
27. "Eating what stands on one leg [mushrooms and plant foods] is better than eating what stands on two legs [fowl], which is better than eating what stands on four legs [cows, pigs and other mammals]."
28. Eat your colors.
29. Drink the spinach water.
30. Eat animals that have themselves eaten well.
31. If you have space, buy a freezer.
32. Eat like an omnivore.
33. Eat well-grown food from healthy soil.
34. Eat wild foods when you can
35. Don’t overlook the oily little fishes
36. Eat some foods that have been predigested by bacterial or fungi.
37. Sweeten and salt your food yourself.
38. Eat sweet foods as you find them in nature.
39. Don’t eat breakfast cereals that change the color of the milk
40. Make water your beverage of choice.
41. Milk is a food, not a beverage.
42. "The whiter the bread, the sooner you’ll be dead."
43. Avoid sugary and starchy food if you're concerned about your weight.
44. Favor the kinds of oils and grains that have traditionally been stone-ground.
45. Eat all the junk food you want as long as you cook it yourself.
46. Love your spices.
47. Be the kind of person who takes supplements – then skip the supplements
48. Eat more lie the French. Or the Japanese. Or the Italians. Or the Greeks.
49. Regard nontraditional foods with skepticism.
50. Avoid ingredients that lie to your body.
51. Enjoy drinks that have been caffeinated by nature, not food science.
52. Have a glass of wine with dinner.
53. Pay more, eat less.
54. ...Eat less.
55. Stop eating before you’re full.
56. Eat when you are hungry, not when you are bored.
57. If you're not hungry enough to eat and apple, you're probably not hungry.
58. It's okay to be a little hungry.
59. Don't let yourself get too hungry.
60. Consult your gut.
61. Serve the vegetables first.
62. Eat slowly
63. "The banquet is in the first bite."
64. Spend as much time enjoying the meal as it took to prepare it.
65. Give some thought to where your food comes from.
66. Don't be a short-order cook.
67. Buy smaller plates and glasses.
68. Serve a proper portion and don’t go back for seconds.
69. Order the small.
70. "Breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, dinner like pauper."
71. Eat meals.
72. Limit your snacks to unprocessed plant foods.
73. Do all your eating at a table.
74. Don’t get your fuel from the same place your car does.
75. "No labels on the table."
76. Place a bouquet of flowers on the table and everything will taste quite as good.
77. Leave something on your plate.
78. Eat with other people when you can.
79. Treat treats as treats.
80. Compost.
81. Plant a vegetable garden if you have space, a window box if you don’t
82. Cook
83. Break the rules once in a while
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