Monday, May 14, 2012

Leave Something for the Gods

54. ...Eat less
55. Stop eating before you’re full.
77. Leave something on your plate.


So, after all that good talk in the last post about accepting what you have and not assuming it's your right to consume whatever you want whenever you want, what did I do last night? I went home after work and thought, Ugh. It's my night off, and I want a nice meal. I really don't want any of those meals I cooked last weekend and put in the freezer. I just don't. I almost ordered a pizza. Don't worry, I didn't. I found some lasagna from the weekend in the fridge, poured m'self some wine (Rule 52) and made a night out of it.

And THEN I made a coffee-cup microwave cake for dessert (yeah, you read that right) because I was in a decadent mood. A decadent, petulant mood. I WANTED what I WANTED and I didn't want to think about the rules. And (surprise) realized too late that I broke a few.

I licked my plate clean, including the garlic bread I decided to make even though it wasn't remotely necessary. And despite the fact the recipe CLEARLY said the cake could easily feed 2-4, I went right ahead and ate it all. And then sat on the couch and thought, I'm really full. Wait... oops.

And truth be told, this wasn't an isolated event. Of all the rules in the book, these are probably the hardest for me. I've been known on several occasions to indulge delightedly in something I'm certain is rules-violation-free, only to realize that I may have over-indulged, and, oops, broken a rule.

I have an impossibly hard time with the concept of leaving something on my plate. I can't leave a bite behind. I just can't do it.


Come ON. How do you just throw that out???


Full confession (except it's not really a confession, because everyone who's seen me eat must know it): I'm that person who, even when everything in front of her has been consumed, scrapes her finger across edges and into eeeeevery tiny corner to get to the last crumbs. I inevitably want at least three more bites than I have left on my plate; it takes an incredible amount of restraint not to go back for seconds. It's just an affront not even to be able to eat my own full portion. And for what? To just throw out perfectly good food?

And yet, this is perhaps precisely why I should pay attention to this rule. Despite how wasteful and ungrateful it feels to toss the last bite, Pollan argues that our plate-licking mentality actually fosters an attitude of unbridled gluttony.

I've told myself that I don't really need leave something on my plate. It's a symbolic gesture anyway; the important thing is that I am mindful of how much I eat, and that I eat it slowly and consciously. I tell myself that it's enough not to eat everything on my plate just because it's there - to be okay with leaving something if I find I'm not hungry anymore. But maybe it's time to rethink that rational because, if my recent cake incident is any indicator, I'm not doing such a great job with the whole mindful eating thing. And if reserving that last bite really is a symbolic gesture, it's clearly a powerful one, judging by my reticence to part with it.

I don't really know what the answer is here - I think I'm just working some things out on paper. As convincing as the argument to leave something on you plate is, the fact stands that 9 times out of 10 when I get to that bite, I'm still hungry and it feels so wrong to throw out food when you're hungry.

On the other hand, I have to ask myself: why do I seem to have such a hard time eating slowly and carefully? I've told myself a million times, Leigh I say to myself, you would have such an easier time managing your weight if you just ate more carefully. Watch your portion size. Think about what you're eating. Eat slowly. Why is it that I'm willing swear off doughnuts forever in the name of health, but I refuse to take make the effort to see what would happen if I just ate the doughnut, but did so with deliberateness and thought? Why is that so hard? Shouldn't it be the easier of the two options? And if it is so hard, shouldn't I do anything in my power to break myself of that attitude?

I don't know. I really don't know. Am I just stubbornly digging my heels or do I have a valid complaint?

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